Goodbye

Today (when I wrote this) is my nineteenth birthday. Or, was. I had a spectacular day, filled with spending time with friends, making and eating my birthday Jell-o cake (chocolate cake with cherry-flavored Jell-o, the best kind), finishing the last of my "Movies to watch before I leave" list, and watching my favorite movie, the Lion King (Yep, it's not just my favorite Disney movie anymore. I finally caved in and decided it should hold that place. It deserves it. Mostly because of how special it became for me in college...and the epic music by Hans Zimmer. The music wins EVERYTHING.), as a sort of final hurrah to the life I used to lead. And I don't regret it. I'm going on to what I truly hope and believe will be one of the best and most fulfilling times of my life. Which, for those who don't know--if there are any--will be serving as a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, commonly known as the LDS or Mormon church, in the Alabama Birmingham mission speaking English for a period of 24 months beginning Wednesday, July 14th. Tomorrow. Aagh. And, for those who don't know what I'm about to tell you (which is probably a significantly larger number than before), here is why.

First, I feel that I should serve a mission. The leaders of my church have strongly encouraged all young men of my age and worthiness to do so, and I am no exception. But that alone would not be reason enough to embark on a two-year journey such as this. I feel duty bound to do this because I know that my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ came to this earth to suffer for our sins and die for us so that we could be saved from sin ourselves. I know that He was resurrected so that we, too, could partake of the boundless glory that comes with the reuniting of body and spirit after death. I know that He gave everything He had and everything He was in the garden of Gethsemane to truly take upon Himself the pains and sorrows of all men. The fact that my Brother gave more than I could ever comprehend compels me to serve Him in an attempt to repay what He has done for me and for everyone. I know that He led a church when he was physically on the earth. I know that church and the fullness of the gospel left the earth for a period of time we call the Apostasy, due to the loss of authority and true doctrine carried on by his apostles that, because it was not passed on to another, was withdrawn for a time with their deaths. I know that, after this apostasy, the gospel in its entirety was restored through the prophet Joseph Smith. I know that this is His same church that existed on the earth when He walked among men, for it bears his name: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. That is one way I am trying to repay him: by serving a full-time mission for His church in an effort to bring souls to Him.

Second, I want to. The knowledge of God's love and devotion to His children gives me a desire to develop that same love for them and for His gospel, and I know that a mission is a great way to do that. I know that a mission is a great way to develop skills, traits, and general growth that will be immensely beneficial in all aspects of my life. I know that it will make me a better person if I let it. But most of all, I want to do this because I love Him. I love His teachings and His gospel. I love that he restored the fullness of the gospel and brought forth the Book of Mormon (which I also love) to testify of his Son, Jesus Christ (whom I also love), in our day and to tell of the wonderful blessings we can receive if we are repentant and keep the commandments. I love that I was born and raised in the gospel in a country where I am free to live it to the fullest extent. I love all that the Lord has taught me and I continually hunger and thirst for more of His glorious gospel. And when you love something that much, you can't just keep it to yourself. You have to tell it to the world (or, in my case, Birmingham, Alabama).

Finally, I need to. I know it's not technically commanded of us specifically to serve a full-time mission, but according to D&C 88:81-82, we are commanded to share the gospel with others if we have received it for ourselves. I just think that this is the best way for me to fulfill this commandment at this time. Sure, I've sacrificed a lot of money paying for my clothes and luggage and other necessities, and I'm sure I will sacrifice my time, sanity, and more when I'm in Alabama. But I know I'll receive great blessings for it. And, if nothing else, it's nothing compared to what Jesus Christ sacrificed for us. Everything I give will just be a drop in the pond compared to the flood of mercy He has covered us with. And sacrifice isn't really losing something, anyway. It's giving up something good for something better. And I have full confidence that, even though I'm saying goodbye for two years to something good, at 12:45 on Wednesday, July 14th, I'll be starting into something better.

And I'm not looking back.

Actually, that's not entirely true. That was just my cheesy, storybook ending to all this. I'll still keep in touch and write letters and stuff.

But, you know.

Fasting with a purpose

I want to write about an experience I had which strengthened my testimony of fasting. One Sunday a few weeks ago, I fasted to have a greater sensitivity to missionary opportunities and the courage to take advantage of them. The next day, I definitely noticed the difference. I was at work with my coworkers Janet (who is a member of the church) and Rick (who isn't). Yes, I changed the names. Out of the blue, Rick randomly started talking about how he thought it was unfair that Mormon missionaries should have to pay for their own missions. He said a few other things, and in the course of this discussion he found out that I was soon leaving for a mission (and I found out that he didn't know that previously). He didn't apologize for what he said, but he stopped talking badly about the prospect of a mission. I found out that he had been LDS and had entertained the possibility of going on a mission (however briefly) long ago. He still goes to church (whether LDS or not, I'm not sure). I also overheard Rebecca mention to Sam that she knew he wasn't LDS, which I didn't know before, either.

On the way home from work, I evaluated my relationship with every one of my coworkers, their relationship with religion/the gospel, and possible ways I could share the gospel with them. While doing this, I realized just how blessed I was to have my eyes opened to their situations. Rick's random mentioning of a mission was completely unexpected, and I doubt that it would have happened if I didn't fast for it. I saw a difference in myself of a heightened spiritual awareness of who these people were and how I could help them.

I decided that it's not enough just for everyone to know that I am a Mormon. I want to be more than just a good example or the guy that his coworkers don't swear around. I'm going to be a full-time missionary in a little over a month (at the time I wrote this), and it's time I start acting like it. God doesn't want me to be just a good example, a good worker, or a good all-around person. Being good people isn't what sets us apart from the rest of the world. Being hard workers isn't what makes us the unique, "peculiar people" described in the Bible. There are many Mormons who are not good people or hard workers, and vice versa. What really makes us different is our love for Jesus Christ, His Atonement, God's plan of happiness, and (most importantly) the gospel restored by Joseph Smith to this earth with all its teachings, ordinances, and priesthoods. There's a popular saying in the church that goes something like this: "You may be the only scriptures some people ever read, the only church some people go to, the only connection some people have with God". Well, that's all fine and good, but why not take it a step further? Why not show them the real scriptures, the real church, the real God clear as crystal instead of through the clouded and imperfect lens of your own human nature? As Brother Christiansen would say in his mission prep class, "You're just a stupid 19-year-old. Why should anyone believe you?"

Real missionary work isn't just being the kind of person that nonmembers or inactive members want to be like, because that does almost nothing in the way of conversion (although sometimes that's all you can do). Even if we have role models that we view as respectable, honorable people, they are still imperfect and can fail us. Almost anything or anyone can fail us, except for three holy Beings. We call them the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Those are the things that change us. And unless you access the testimony-bearing powers of the Holy Ghost through scripture, service, love, testimony, or any other method, you won't change anything or anyone. And if being a good example is all you can do, let it be in the name of Christ, not to satisfy your own pride or desires. But if you have the opportunity to take your missionary work a step higher, DO IT. The more direct connection they can have with God, the better. The less there is of you, the better. You are only an instrument to lead people to God, because without Him, you are nothing. Worthless. Dead. But if we align our will with His and work with Him to bring others into the church, that is when missionary work truly happens. That is true conversion.

People don't change hearts. God changes hearts.

So can't we just get out of the way and let Him in?