Ohhh...a social life...riiiight...

I've never really been a social person. Don't get me wrong; I've gotten more socially involved over the years, but I still am not what you would call outgoing. In elementary school, I was the kind of kid that didn't care what other people thought about him, happy-go-lucky and without a care in the world. I just did what I felt like doing, regardless of whether it seemed smart/appropriate. In junior high, though, I did retract a lot socially, mostly because I was going to a new environment and also partially because I think that's part of teenage life and finding your identity and stuff. I did learn to open myself up after a while though, and by ninth grade I was almost normal again. During my sophomore year, though, I went right back to the way I was. I went back to Lone Peak with all the friends that I hadn't been seeing for three years (because I went to American Fork Junior High), and it seemed like I didn't know anybody anymore. The atmosphere seemed really intimidating (probably due to my own fears far more than reality), and I was afraid to make contact with other people. However, by the time senior year rolled around, I was socially functional once again. As good as I got, however, I never really was one of those people that always went to every dance, was on the student council, and was involved with every club, and I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I just wasn't the kind of person that was always involved with social activities. I had a lot of friends, but there were only a few that I really spent a lot of time with, most of which were in my ward or lived nearby (or my Dorchester second family, best street in the world). I never really got the "group of friends" idea, and I preferred (and still do prefer) one-on-one or minimal amounts of people far more than being in a huge circle of people talking to each other. This didn't really seem like a problem, and it probably wasn't, until I came here to college. Saturdays here are what opened my eyes to just how lonely I am. Usually if I stay at college on Saturdays, I really have nothing to do and no one to do anything with (and having roommates that are never here doesn't really help either, but I don't blame them for it). These lonely Saturdays are what helped me see the importance of actually having a social life and going around and doing things with people (even if your most sophisticated mode of transportation is a somewhat-defective bike). A positive side effect of this, however, is that I am far more inclined to go on dates with people because I seriously have NOTHING BETTER TO DO on the weekends. That doesn't mean that I only date people to fill up otherwise empty time in my day, but it is a pleasantly convenient side effect. So far I have learned two major things in college. The first is academic: college is A LOT more about knowing the material than turning in assignments on time, which is harder for me but necessary. Second, that once you're out on your own, having nothing to do and no one to do it with is really hard sometimes. I'm really enjoying the International Cinema and watching Carl Sagan's cosmos and TED talks on Youtube, but those are things that only involve me. Me and a stolid, deaf computer screen. It's not enough. It may be educational and entertaining, but social interaction is one of the basest needs of human nature, and I've been neglecting it. And maybe I'm so socially disinclined that it's taken Saturdays full of empty voids of time to make me realize that I need to get involved. I need to get out more and serve people and be in organizations and committees and whatever it takes so that my prime form of entertainment does not involve myself and a technological device. I feel like Scotty Smalls in the Sandlot having his mom tell him to go out and get in trouble and make friends. I've been too absorbed in myself and doing things that make me happy that I forgot how vital it is to serve others and give of myself. This last Tuesday, Walter F. Gonzalez came to give a devotional about bravery in service, and it opened my eyes to how easy it was to be self-serving in college. And now I finally realize how starved you become living a lifestyle like that. It sustains you for a while, but eventually you start needing people, needing things to do and things to give so that you don't feel like you're simply living as if nobody else exists. I don't blame anybody for the position I'm in; it's me that needs to get out more and do things with people. Not just on Facebook or Blogspot, but face to face. Person to person. Together.